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Reconnecting With A Girl You Used To Date
Author : John Revilinsky
Submitted : 2011-11-13 Word Count : 870 Popularity: Not Rated
Tags: Reconnecting With A Girl
Relationships falter and are sometimes put on hold, but every break up holds the chance of one day getting back together again. If you're considering going out with your ex girlfriend, or want to get her back, you'll need to know the pitfalls associated with dating an ex. Learn what topics and subjects to avoid, as well as ways to make things go smoothly when getting back together with your old girlfriend.
When you break up with someone, it's usually for a reason. Whether you ended the relationship or your girlfriend broke things off, going your separate ways is not always the end. Being in love involves heavy feelings that don't always melt completely away with time. Sometimes those emotions and feelings are still there, even a few relationships later. And other times? They even grow stronger with time, as in the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder".
If you're considering going out with an ex girlfriend, you have to be very careful about how to approach it. Even if the feeling is mutual, and you're both ready to explore a relationship again, you should know which areas of the reconciliation are dangerous and which are off-limits - at least for now. You should also know the best ways to get back an ex girlfriend, if you're still trying to convince her to give things another shot. The following areas are all important:
Take Things Slow
No matter how quickly you got together the first time, giving any relationship another chance requires you to take things a lot more slowly. Both you and your ex have residual feelings for each other, and that's good. But each of you also remembers the arguments, the fighting, and the reasons you broke up. Rushing back into things can be fun and exciting, but can also lead to the same old problems. By slowing down a bit and approaching things maturely, you can work together to solve past problems and prevent future ones.
Keep It Casual
When going out again with your ex girlfriend for the first time, you want to keep things fun and light. Pick a place the two of you will feel comfortable at, and make sure you keep things happy and fun. Steer the conversation away from anything serious, and catch up on what each of you has been up to during the time you've been apart. If either of you has dated someone else, that subject doesn't have to be taboo... but you shouldn't go into too much detail about it either. The focus should be on the two of you, not on past relationships.
Be Romantic
You did a good job wooing your girlfriend the first time, so make sure you do it again. Know her favorite flower? Bring her one. Remember her favorite restaurant? Offer to meet her there. Think back to the beginning of your old relationship and try to remember a really great place you went... then bring her there again to rekindle that old romance. Your ex will appreciate you remembering these things, and she'll take you as being very thoughtful.
Identify Old Issues
Before you even meet your ex girlfriend, you should examine your old relationship and try to figure out what went wrong. You don't have to make an in-depth analysis, but you should really try to identify why the two of you broke up in the first place. If there was something you did that was wrong, be prepared to apologize... but not on the first date. Once you've both decided to reestablish a relationship, there will be time to talk about and get past your old break up, so doing a little homework now can help you through this later on. However, trying to solve everything at once should not be your goal.
Agree to Disagree
When you've been out on a few dates with your ex, re-consummated your relationship, laughed, had fun, and finally decided to give things another chance... that's when the two of you should talk a bit about what happened. The purpose of this conversation isn't to place blame... it's to get rid of the past and put it all behind you. If left unsaid, past issues will always loom over your future relationship. That's why each of you should bring up the major issues you might have (and only the major issues... not every single little thing) and let the other know why you feel that way. If you don't always agree, that's okay - just be mature and non-confrontational. What you're doing here is cleaning up the broken pieces of your old relationship, and you only want to do it once.
Wipe the Slate Clean
Once you've both gotten everything out in the open, grab your girlfriend's hand and make a solemn pact not to bring up the past anymore. Let bygones by bygones; no matter what happened between you - even if it involved something as bad as lying and cheating - each of you should agree to forgive and forget from this point forward. Bringing up things that were said and done from your past relationship should be forbidden... throwing that stuff into each others face at the first sign of a fight will always spell doom for your new romance. Vow together that you'll both forget those things and concentrate on anything that happens from this point forward. It's the best way to keep your relationship healthy and new.
Going out with your ex girlfriend doesn't have to be the horror show many people make it out to be. If you've both grown a lot since you broke up, chances are you'll be able to approach things more maturely. With time also comes perspective: each of you has had a lot of time to think things through and probably put yourself in the other person's shoes. If there's still love between you, and the passion is still around? There's absolutely no reason not to go for it.
Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend
If you want your ex back but are having difficulty reconnecting, there are ways of contacting your ex so that she'll be receptive to the idea. Learn the special methods and techniques you can use to get back in touch with an ex girlfriend, and how you can easily get her to meet up with you.
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